Confidence.  It’s not something you touch.  It’s not something that is blatantly visible.  It’s something that starts from within and shines once it hits the outside.

How many women have you seen who have commanded attention, who drew people to her, who looked like she felt comfortable no matter what she was wearing or what situation she was in? What was it about her that made her this way?  She had confidence in herself!  Her self-confidence allowed her to be comfortable in her own skin.

Men are attracted to a woman with confidence in herself. 

I am not talking about a woman who is stuck on herself.  I am not talking about a woman who demands that everyone pays attention to her.  I am talking about the woman who walks casually into a room and she just seems like she belongs there.  She’s not dressed to gain attention.  She’s not making a scene to draw eyes to herself.  She doesn’t need to.  Why? Because she knows she doesn’t have to resort to tricks, drama, glitz or trash, to attract attention. 

Her sparkling personality, her warm smile, and her comfort with her own skin just says, “I’m a great person! Don’t you just want to get to know me? Sure you do!”

A woman can still be shy but have confidence in herself.  She doesn’t always have to be the one to speak first , or make the first move.  She just has to be herself.  A shy woman can still be confident that she can accomplish what ever she puts her mind to.  She can still be confident yet retain the shyness that makes her who she is. 

By building your self-confidence, you will find that each little step in the journey makes the next step easier.  Things you wouldn’t have thought of doing before will suddenly be on your mind as the next thing to tackle! Your confidence in yourself will spread it’s ripples out through the other areas of your life.  It’s just going to make life so much more enjoyable that you won’t believe why you didn’t try it before!

So when you get up tomorrow morning, look in the mirror and say, “You know what? You’re GREAT! ANd YOU can Do anything you want!!”

Take that first step! It may be the hardest, but all the rest are easy!

En

So here you are, sitting around on a gorgeous day wishing you had something to do. And someone to do it with!

Here are 5 of my tried and tested methods of combining getting healthy and active with making the opportunities to meet a potential date!

Golf! Take some lessons so you can get the hang of a swing and a putt. Once you have that learned, grab a bucket of balls at your local driving range and practice, practice, practice.

Having a bit of a problem with your swing or your stance? Ask the guy on the next pad to give you some pointers!

Sailing. What better way to get outside than to take a few sailing lessons? Once you’ve passed your pollywog test, get on over to your local marina/yacht club and sign up to help crew on a racing night!

What better way to meet people while giving your legs and arms a work running up and down the sails?

Cycling. Want the best legs and butt on your block? Check out your local cycling clubs. There’s a level of cycling for everyone!

Pick a group, strap on your helmet, hop on your bike and get riding! Find a partner to cycle with who will help you get to the next level.

How’s that for a legitimate excuse to meet someone?

Tennis. Want something a little more fast paced? Grab a tennis raquet and take some lessons. Join a group at the local tennis club. Find someone who needs a partner.

ALready know how to play tennis? Then get over to that club and offer your services as an instructor, or offer to partner someone who needs to improve.

Again.. great opportunities abound here!

Not that sports minded? Then try option #5.

Hiking. There are hiking and walking groups in every city. What better way to get healthy than to do it outside taking the scenery of nature or the local historical landmarks.

Alot of hiking clubs adopt a trail and get out a few hours a week to keep the trail clear and safe. The clubs also hold events to raise money for their trail, or a nature charity. Great way to do a good deed, as easily as volunteering at the event!

Health and philanthropy all in one box!

All five of these activities have been tried and tested successfully by me, my friends, and women who have sought my help to get them out of the dating slump.

What are you waiting for? Get out of the house and make the most of the beautiful weather and the opportunities that are out there!

Let me know of your success! Leave me a comment here so I can cheer for you!

Good Health and Good Dating!

Regards,

Mikki Maxwell

I had a woman approach me with something that I was totally unprepared for.  She was contemplating buying my book for her daughter who would soon be dating. 

Her sincere inquiry actually left me at a loss for words for a moment.  The only thing that came to my mind was, “Wow, here’s a Mom who really cares for her daughter!”

Why did I think that?  Because my own mother had never prepared for me dating and what it would or could bring.  When I first got asked out, I declined because something said, “Don’t do it.”  I was in Grade 9 and a guy in Grade 11 asked me to go to the drive-in with him.  I was 14 years old.  It was a big ego boost for me, yet my mind said, “Hmmm what do we know about him? And why would your first date be to the drive-in?”

I wasn’t being paranoid.  I just knew that with a strict Italian father, I would be sent to the convent if I had said yes.  My parents both agreed that I wasn’t allowed to date until I was 16.  Yet neither one of them coached me before hand as to what dating was all about.

Now here I was, face to face with a Mother who was being proactive in regards to her teen daughter’s dating future!

In the end I gave her a copy of my book, advised her that it wasn’t geared towards teen dating, but that hopefully she might find some useful information she could impart to her daughter.

There have been so many times I have discussed this subject with my friends.  “What was dating like when you were a teen?”  And there was a vast majority of us who all agreed that we wished someone had prepared us for dating.  Not learned about dating from television and from our classmates and friends.  I was very lucky to have Great Aunt Hilda in my corner to give me wonderful advice by the time I was 18.  I’d made alot of mistakes in the two years before that imparted wisdom.

Teen girls need to know what to expect.  They need to know about the difference between love and hormones.  And having someone older and experienced to talk to when things don’t go well, or when they are confused, or to share a happy moment with is so important.

What scares me is that teens today are so much more sexually advanced, confused, and misinformed than we were back in my day.  Television, Media, and Society have warped the dating world as I knew it.  I believe that if more people could just be like this wonderful woman who wanted to make sure her daughter would have a healthy dating /relationship future, that the teens of today might just see that dating is just what it is.  Two people going out together to enjoy each other’s company in hopes that it might turn into something more…. down the road.

Kudos to the Wonderful Mom!  Your daughter is a lucky girl.

Regards

Mikki

Size is just a number.  Put a plus in front of it… it’s still just a number.  It’s how you feel about that number that will influence your life.  You have the choice to let that number ruin your life, or the choice to embrace that number and have the confidence to be who you are despite that number.

I used to go to a club a friend of mine owned.  It was an older crowd.  You had to be a minimum of 25 years old to get in.  So no worries about baby sitting the college kids. The music was good, no head achey house beats.  And of course I always got the best table and free drinks on the house, because my friend was the owner.

After a few visits there, I noticed an interesting thing.  The most popular and sought after dance partner there was not the Paris Hilton look alike.  The woman who commanded the attention of the best looking men in the club was a woman in her mid thirties.  She stood at least 6 feet tall and was definitely a size 18 or 20.  She was never alone at a table while her friends were out on the dance floor.  She never lacked for dance partners!  As a matter of fact, she was out on the floor more than her shorter, thinner friends were!

Many times I heard other women in the club ask each other what made the “big girl” so popular.  And to me it was so very obvious.  Her appearance, the fact she was a great dancer and the thing that stood out the most… her confidence.

Here was a woman who took care of herself, dressed attractively, and had a smile that encouraged people to approach her.  There was no self-conciousness about the woman at all!  She didn’t hide behind oversized baggy clothing.  She didn’t sit in a corner and avoid eye contact with men.  She exuded strength, vitality, and a confidence of sheer sexiness that said, “I may be a big girl, but DAMN I’m Hot!”.

There was nothing trashy about the way she dressed.  She didn’t go to the other extreme that some bigger girls do to get attention: Look at me! I have HUGE boobs so I’m gonna wear a dress 4 sizes too small so they pop out! There was nothing trampy about her approach to men.  She didn’t hang all over any man who gave her some sort of attion.  There was no sort of attention seeking about her at all.

I finally met her and had a chance to talk with her at the bar.  I complimented her on her outfit.  Her reply was warm and genuine.  I felt encouraged to joke with her and made a comment how she was so lucky to be dancing with all the hottest guys in the bar.

The statement that I got back made me smile.  She said, “You know, my friends all wonder how I do it.. you know.. because I’m a Plus Size girl.  I told them it was because I like myself.  And that by my liking myself, others like me also.”

Truer words could never have been spoken.

As she turned to leave the bar with her drinks, she smiled at me a winked, “And to me, BBW stands for Bold Beautiful Woman!”  Then she walked away.

There are so many woman, not just plus size women, who could learn from this Bold, Beautiful Woman.  Your size can be your advantage.  You can find an amazing niche if you look for it.  You can find the man you deserve by having the confidencve to believe in yourself.  You can have a life you want by being bold! 

It is your confidence in yourself and in who you are that sends out the message that you are beautiful and successful.  If you do not have faith in yourself, or if you do not like yourself, how can you expect anyone else to have that faith and confidence in you? Love yourself for who you are and for what you can do to make yourself a better and more successful person. A positive attitude attracts more positivite things and people to you. 

All these wonderful things are inside you no matter what size you are. 

For other success stories of all sizes of women, check out my book and let me know what you think!

Keep in touch! Leave me some comments!

Regards,

Mikki

Yes, Ladies, meeting a man is as easy as THIS…

Overhearing a conversation at the table next to you!

I was sitting outside on the patio of a small Bistro today waiting for my friend for lunch.  Two men were sitting one table away and chatting animatedly.  I caught bits and pieces of their conversation. 

“The food wasn’t the greatest.  But it wasn’t bad.”

“Lots of fish and fresh fruit.”

“At least there was always that pizza on the pool Patio”

I just knew they must have been talking about Cuba.  It was just too much like my experience there.  So I politely jumped in.

“I’m really sorry to intrude, but are you by any chance talking about Cuba?”

And sure enough, they were!  We spent the next ten minutes talking about our vacations there.  It turns out that our resorts were only about a mile away from each other!  How small of a coincidence is that?

So when my friend arrived, the two gentlemen were on their way to leave.  They said hello to my friend and I introduced them.  The one man was married, the other man handed my friend his business card with, “Call me sometime for dinner.”. 

See how easy it was?

This is your next project, Ladies!  Go somewhere in a public venue where you can sit and listen to what is going on around you.  Take the initiative and start a conversation!  It’s THAT easy!!

This project will boost your confidence, widen your comfort zone and make you realize how easy things actually are!

Good Luck!

Mikki

The old saying “Nice Guys/Gals Finish Last” is a Myth.  Nice Gals DO finish first!  Why? Because in the end, they get what they truly deserve.  A great job, A great guy.  A great life. 

And how did they accomplish this, you ask?  It’s because they’ve made the right choices! 

They chose to make the choices that got them out of situations that weren’t what they wanted.  These choices got them the man they deserved.  These choices surrounded them with wonderful friends.  These choices turned their lives into what they had always been dreaming about! 

Are you a nice girl?  Of course you are!  Do you want to have all the good things in your life that you deserve?  Of course you do!  Have you started making the right choices?  Yes you have!  You are reading this article! 

So if there are things you want to accomplish, (like finding the guy you deserve), take a pen and paper and make a list of the things you want.  Once that list is made, think of the choices you can make to set yourself on the path to attain these goals. 

Always remain positive.  Always think of the good results that will come once you have attained your goals! 

A goal is just the culmination of a journey.  It is the journey where we find the joy and the happiness in our lives.  The journey is where we gain the experience to help us make future good choices.  So gear yourself up for a  road trip to better choices and a better life! 

You have your map, (your list).  You have your destination, (the guy you deserve).  Is there anything left?  Oh yeah, fill up the tank with positivity and get yourself on the road!  Leave me a note in the comment box here @ www.mikkisguide.com

Enjoy your trip! 

Mikki Maxwell

So here’s the second installment of the 12 Signs It’s Not Working.  I hope it’s helpful in helpin YOU recognize when It’s time to move onward and upward from a bad dating situation and onto a new guy!

7/Does he need to where you are and who are with every minute of the hour?  Does he demand an account of your daily activities?  Does he tell you what you should and should not be wearing or hanging out with?  This is CONTROL ladies.  THis is going to be leading to alot more things that are not so nice.  YOU have a life of your own.  Friends of your own.  A job, a family, a whole life that existed BEFORE he came along.  If he cannot deal with it, time to go. 

8/Are you always paying for things for him?  Is he always asking for money?  Is he practically living at your place but not contributing to anything?  Does he even have a stable income or is he looking to YOU to be the Breadbasket?  Seriously.. do you WANT to be the sole provider in this situation while he the sole benefactor?  If he’s always looking for handouts, help, “favors”.. this is a sign.. TO MOVE ON!

9/Never have anything nice or positive to say about you? Always dragging you down? Critisizing you infront of people? All these negative things are RED FLAGS!! And trust me when I say there is a difference between cronstructive critisism and just down right rude negativity. Learn the difference between them!  It’s not hard, and it will help you know what to avoid in the future!

10/Have you ever discussed his work history?  Has he been able to keep a job for more than a year?  Instability in a job means there’s issues.  It also means there are going to be instabilities in other areas of his life.  Or does he have alot of money and nice things yet no job? Steer clear, ladies.  THe money for all these nice things has to be coming from somewhere!

11/Now what about his kids?  Does he have any?  Does he see them on a regular basis?  Is he a good dad?  Does he support them to his best ability in all ways not just monetarily?  Does he have 5 kids by 4 different women?  A man who cannot or will not take care of his children is someone that will treat you the same way.  So if he has a multitude of children and is NOT a Billionaire, he cannot afford his kids and YOU cannot afford him in your life! Do YOU want to be paying child support on kids that aren’t yours?

12/Here’s the simplest of signs, ladies.  Have you been calling… and calling.. and calling.. and texting.. and emailing.. and he’s slowwwwwwwwww in replying, or NOT replying at all?  Take the Hint.. IT’s Not WorkIng!!

Now you have 12 Signs that this dating situation is not or will not work.  YOu have to take a good look at yourself and what you want.  You have be honest with your observations and your answers.  Do NOT justify, or make excuses.  If you start doing that this early in a relationship, you will be doing for the rest of the relationship…. IF THER EVER IS ONE!!

So keep these handy, and when you start dating someone, and something feels wrong, or a bell goes off in your head… or a little voice whispers in your ear..  READ THE 12 SIGNS and see if any or all apply!  If even just ONE does.. it’s time to do some rethinking on the relationship.  You know what you want and you know what you deserve.  Then why put up with anything less?

And remember, this is NOT about what YOU can get from a relationship as far as material things.  This is about getting the man you DESERVE because YOU are a good person and are bringing alot of great things into the relationship!  And you have the right to expect no less of him than you expect from yourself!

Now get out there, socialize, and have a great time!

Regards,

Mikki

We see it all the time.  A friend or relative who is in a relationship that is just not working and just can’t seem to see what we see.  Sometimes they cannot see it because they are truly blinded by love or desperation.  Sometimes it’s because they do not know any better.  Sometimes it’s because they just refuse to acknowledge it.  Whatever the reason, it needs to be dealt with.

If the relationship is not working, then it’s time to get out.  Stop beating the proveriable dead horse.

It’s like the movie… maybe he’s JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU!  And if he’s not, then YOU don’t need HIM!

Here are the first six signs that it’s time to move on and move up to someone worthy of you!

1/ The time between dates is getting further and further apart.  He’s trying to distance himself from you in hopes you will get the hint and go find someone else.  Or he’s already found a prospect and is keeping you on the line until he can confirm the other prospect is hooked.  Either way, you will be tossed back as yesterday’s catch.

2/After a month of dating, you still haven’t met any of his friends.  Or you don’t know the names of any of his friends.  He has no interest in meeting any of yours.  This is a strong indication that he has no interest in a future with you or he’s in a relationship with someone else.  If he did, you would have been introduced to at least one or two friends by now.  There is not going to be any sort of future here because his future doesn’t include you.  Time to move on.

3/ You’ve been dating for awhile now.  And you don’t have an address for him.  You only have his cell number.  You don’t really know where he works.  Is he a secret agent for the CIA that he needs to stay so anonymous?  Highly unlikely.  There’s a difference between, “Taking things slow” and “Never gonna happen”.  Vagueness and ambiguity are HUGE red flags!

4/A rigid schedule.  Does he only want to see you Tuesdays and Thursdays from 4 to 6pm?  Can he only see every other Friday and every other Wednesday?  Does he drop you off at your house at 9pm on the dot and not come in? If he’s not in the military, very few people have that rigid of a schedule.  And you are not being “paid by the hour” to be his girlfriend.  IF you get my meaning.  You deserve BETTER!

5/After a decent period of time, there has been no escalation of emotional/physical aspects.  Do you do the same thing every Friday Night?  Grab a pizza, a movie, and hang at his place?  Do you go play poker with him and his buddies on Saturdays?  Sounds like you are his friend, not a prospective girlfriend.  If you just want to be a friend, more power to you.  If you want more, either tell him to step up his game or tell him it’s time to go!

6/You sit and agonize through out the day or week about what you need to do to make him happy.  You shouldn’t have to jump through flaming hoops to please someone.  They should be happy with YOU.  If you are stressing that you are not good enough, or thin enough, or pretty enough, for this dude… it’s not healthy.  Find someone who is going to appreciate YOU for YOU!

Coming next…The next 6 Signs ~~

Regards,

Mikki

Summer is here, the best time for dating!  The possibilities are endless, yet you can’t think of what to do for a first date.  You’ve got the perfect outfit, the perfect guy, the perfect weather!  Again, you can’t figure out what to do on this possibly wonderful first date and you do not want it to fail!

I’ve learned to always have a tried and true “first date” pattern.  Something that will usually always go well, something that will have no pressure to continue on in case there’s no sparks, and something that will have an appropriate point as to where the date CAN continue if all is going well!

Living on the shores of a beautiful lake has worked for me in finding a good “first date” during the summer.  There is a lovely pier that goes out into the lake which makes for a nice leisurely walk.  It is situated in a small tourist section of town with Victorian homes, a marina, a small restaurant district, and of course the beach.  It has everything needed for a successful date.

For a first date, I would have the man pick me up or I would meet him down by the lake in the public parking lot.  We would then go get ice-cream and talk a walk along the pier.  This allowed for time to make conversation and get to know each other better.  It was out in the open in a busy public venue where nothing bad could really happen, or if the conversation was lacking or boring, at least there were lots to look at.  Getting the ice cream and walking up the pier and back usually took an hour.  This is usually long enough to know if you want to continue the date or end it.

By preparing ahead of time for a first date, you can have all situations covered.  You can always use this “date template” for most first dates to be able gauge how well or poorly the date is going.

First off, the date should be somewhere fairly public.  By being in a public place, you have the safety of being in the public eye, people will know where you are, and you will have access to a phone, transportation, or in a worse case scenario, the police.  Making the first date in such a place also keeps pressure off you and your date.  There will always be something to look at and something to talk about.  By being in a casual situation, both of you will be more comfortable.  You will not feel like you have to be performing jumps through flaming hoops to impress each other.

During the summer, there are so many things to do that you cannot take advantage of in the colder weather.  Patios!  Patios allow you to sit outside, talk, relax and get to know your date.  You don’t have to worry about etiquette and appearance as you would if you were going to a five star restaurant or a formal affaire.  A patio is conducive with casualness, ease, and fun.

If you live on or near a body of water or a river, there is usually a boardwalk, a beach, a pier, or a marina to stroll down and take in the views.  There will always be something to talk about or start a conversation about if things stall abit.

Parks.  Parks are a great place for a first date.  I am not talking about an amusement park where you and your date will spend more time screaming on a rollercoaster than talking.  You can have a nice little picnic in a park, go for a walk through the gardens if there are any, or take in a baseball or soccer game.  During this whole time, you and your date have ample opportunity to talk and get to know one another.

Take advantage of the great weather of Summer for a first date.  It leaves open so many directions for your date to take!

Once you have decided on a place, you need to decide on what to do.

Do not opt for going for a huge meal.  This is NOT a good thing to do on a first date.  This is the best time for something embarrassing to happen, such as spaghetti sauce on your white blouse.  Eating a big meal at a restaurant also doesn’t leave much room for conversation.  Not only will you be too busy eating, you will be trying not to speak with a mouthful of food and grossing your date out.  Try for appetizers on a patio, ice-cream in a park, french-fries on the pier.  Something small and easily handled.  This way, if the date goes well, you can move on to supper.

Choose an activity that will allow you to get to know your date through conversation and physical activity.  If you are more athletic and sports minded, opt for a tennis game or a round of mini golf, or 9 holes at your local course.  You will see how competitive your date is and if he’s a good sport about losing to a girl!

Movies are never a good first date.  You are expected to sit there and be quiet.  And after the end of two hours you still don not know if your date likes dogs, travels, or is on parole from the local jail.  You do not get the chance to learn anything about him because you don’t have the chance to talk to him.  However, you might find out much of a lech he is if he tries to make some unwanted advances on you half way through the picture.

Now that you have a destination and an activity, you can decide on what to wear.  Since you are trying to keep the date as casual as possible, leave the 4” stilettos and the thigh high slit dress at home.  Dress according to what your activity is.  Cute shorts and a T-shirt can cover a lot of fun activities.  If you are doing something less athletic, opt for a nice sundress.  Dressing casual will let you know how shallow your date is regarding looks and dressing. Keep hair and makeup to a minimum if you can.  I am not saying go “Plain Jane”, but don’t go Glamour Barbie either.  If he’s only looking to get laid, and you show up in jeans and a T-shirt with your hair in a ponytail, you might get a reaction from him you weren’t expecting.  At least you will have not wasted a whole day with an idiot who was only hoping to get laid on the date.  Go for the walk and say thank you, then leave.

By having this “First Date Plan”, you will always have a surefire way to avoid having a bad date.  If you stick to this method for first dates, you will always have the option to nicely and politely end the date or to step up your game a notch and continue the date onto something more eventful.

Enjoy your summer, and Happy Dating!!

Mikki Maxwell

There comes a time in your dating life, ladies, that you have to learn to be nice and deliver rejection gracefully.

A week ago, while I was walking my little dog, a neighbor asked me out.

How does one turn down a perfectly nice man whom you have no interest in, and do it nicely?

Joe has been my neighbor for a year now.  We’ve gotten to know each other slightly over the year while I walk my dogs around our block.  He’s always been polite and friendly.  In fact, he’s quite attractive.  However, he rents a room in a boarding house.  He doesn’t have a regular job.  And I truly have no interest in him other than as a friend.  Joe has had other ideas in mind however.

Over the last few weeks, Joe has made sure he has been out at my regular dogwalking times like clock work.  At first it started with a simple, “If you ever need someone to take care of your dogs, let me know.”  It progressed to , “Would you like some company on your walks?”  Which eventually turned into, “Would you like a companion?”

I had to stop and ask him what he meant by companion.  A walking companion?  A friend companion?  A boyfriend Companion?

Yes, he meant a boyfriend companion.

So how does one kindly say, “I’m sorry, I don’t date men who are unemployed and live in a rooming house.”?

I have learned over the years how to do this gracefully.

I gave an honest smile, because it is flattering to know a decent man shows interest, and said politely, “Thank you, Joe, but I am really not looking for a companion right now.  My dogs are company enough for me at this point in my life.  But if I change my mind, I know where you live!”

That served a purpose.  And he took it well, and was not offended.  In fact, he still smiles and says hello to me every day.  He even stopped by my house to drop off an extra watering can he had laying around so I could water my patio plants without having to run the hose all the way from the other side of my house.

I was able to remain friends with my neighbor, yet avoid a situation that held no future for either of us.  We can still co exist in our neighborhood without any uncomfortable feelings or enmity.

The moral of the blog entry today is:

You can still turn someone down without hurting their feelings or bruising their self esteem.  You just need to learn how to do it nicely and kindly.  In the end, everyone will be the better for it.

So, Ladies, learn how to hand out rejection in the kindest and nicest way possible.  How many times have we been rejected or had our advances rebuffed in such away that we were hurt, demoralized, or worse… devastated?  It wasn’t very nice, was it?  Be the better person and learn to be graceful and kind when dealing out a dose of rejection.

See you next Blog Entry!

Mikki Maxwell