The Holidays have arrived!  And I hope everyone has got their shopping done.  I finished mine mid November, so I’ve had time to finish my exams and recoup on these darned crutches.

I’ve just finished a conference call with some friends with whom I get together with on the same day every year.  We discussed the past year in regards to the good, the bad, what changed and what we should have changed.  Then we proceed to discuss the new year.  During the whole hour conversation, one woman’s main theme was a man.  Her year was good because she’d had a man, now it was bad because she didn’t have a man, she changed her choices and it got her a man, what she should have changed was her changing her choices sooner so she could have gotten a man sooner.  And now that she doesn’t have a man, her new year was doomed because now she had no man.  So she was going to proceed into the new year with one mission:  Find another man.

It was very hard to get her off this track.  She couldn’t see that having a man in her life was not the be all end all.  She didn’t see that the choices she’d made previously had also changed her life for the better in general.  She was missing out on all the good things that were going on around her because she could only think of one thing:  Getting another Man.  No matter how any of us tried to steer the topic away from her goal, she was able to bring it back around on how to get another man.

When someone finally asked me what my plans for 2010 were, I made it quite clear, “I’m going to have the best year ever, whether there is a man in it or not.”

Everyone cheered except for Mission Girl. 

I asked her why she was so quiet.  Her reply was a fair bit in coming, “I thought your whole life was based on having a good man in your life.”

“My life is based on having a good life,” I came back.  “I have a good man in it right now.  But that doesn’t always mean he will be there.  Life will go on, no matter what.  So why should my life become less than it is just because there is no man?  YOU live your life; no one else can do that for you.”

With a final Happy Yule, Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah, etc etc… we all departed from our yearly call. 

It would seem my words must have had some kind of effect; I logged on to FaceBook and saw an updated wall post from Mission Girl on her site:

I’m going to have the best year ever: With or Without a Man!!!

I hope that more women will go into 2010 realizing that they are the creators of their own destinies, the writers of their own book of life.  The choices they will be making for the new year will affect many of the other areas of their lives.  Things will definitely happen to us that the only control we have will be the choice of how we react to that situation.  I hope that everyone will choose to react in the best way possible for themselves.  If a person chooses to react in a negative manner, then they have no one to turn to in blame… but themselves. 

Choose to react in the most positive of ways and all good things will follow. 

One small choice, one small step, it all leads to bigger and better things in life.

Happy Holidays!!!!

So.. Halloween is finally over.  You went to a great  party all dressed up and had a great time.  You met a guy!  Yay YOU!!

But he was dressed up as Count Dracula, and you’d had a few B52 Shooters, but somehow, you “just know” he’s the one!

BOOO YOU!!

How can you know, that under that makeup, under that costume, beneath the alcohol colored rose glasses you seemed to have been wearing, that “He’s the ONE”…. for that matter, that he’s even a decent guy?

Too many women tend to go to parties, functions or whatever scenario where the opportunities to meet men are high.  Hoever, the influences and such that hide the trueness of the person are also high.  It’s a balance scale that a woman must tip to her advantage.

I preach the fact that a woman should never have more than one drink while out (unless she can handle her alcohol like an Amazon) so she can maintain a clear head and clear sightedness.  You are looking with two things ladies, your eyes and your brain.  Both are affected by alcohol.   

What may look good to your eyes and seem good to your brain after a few drinks, likely will not prove true the next day. 

A line from a famous song comes to mind, “The Girls All Get Prettier At Closin’ Time”.  Substitute the Girls with Boys.

And of course it’s made all the harder by Halloween!  A costume gets in the way as well!

Any function can turn into this song.

A business dinner/meeting, lots of pressure to be at your best.  You need to Impress.  You need to be more social than you might usually be. 

A Holiday Party,  everyone is dressed up, everyone is in a good mood, the Holiday Spirit is making people friendlier.

A group outing, everyone wants to get along and enjoy the outing, people are feeling pressured to have to talk to everyone else.

So many things causing a person to be who they might not normally be.

Add alcohol, some nice clothes that might make a person feel confident, the high of good vibes from those around you, and Voila, you have the makings for a possible “The Boys All Get Prettier At Closing Time.”

So many things start to crop up in this type of scenario that it makes one’s head reel.  The Liquid Courage, the false bravado, the fantasy of being someone else other than one’s self, the pressure from friends and peers.

I cannot tell you how many times I have seen a woman who is usually somewhat quiet and reserved suddenly get it into her mind to be Mae West.  She suddenly has the idea to go speak to someone she usually wouldn’t. 

Now THAT is a good thing!!! 

The BAD thing is  she feeling braver than usual due to the 2 glasses of wine she had. She gets it into her head that this man is the groom of her future wedding.  Pictures of white picket fences and baby strollers are floating through her foggy brain. 

I’ll leave it at that. 

Having a clear mind and clear eyesight will allow a woman to recognize and make good decisions about the men she is meeting and speaking to at functions and public events.  It also keeps her from making a fool out of herself,  it keeps her safe, it keeps her from waking up the next morning wanting to chew her arm off.  I’m hinting at Coyote Ugly here. 

So don’t forget ladies…

The Boys All Get Prettier At Closing Time…. but they just might be Quasimodo when you wake up!

My father instilled a saying into me that I still live by til this day.

“It is better to be alone than to be in bad company.”

This addage can be applied to so many aspects of a person’s life.  In the dating world, a woman is better off alone than to be dating one undesirable man after another.  By repeating the same cycle over and over again, a woman will eventually feel defeated.  She will feel that there is no point in dating.  She will feel that there are absolutely no nice men out there. 

If that same woman had chosen to spend a few Saturday evenings at home or with friends, instead of continually going out with men she really didn’t like, she could have been more selective about the men she chose to date.  She could have paid more attention to the reasons she kept picking the same type of men she really didn’t want to date.  She could have learned that being with a man wasn’t what made her life full.  She would have realized that it was her good friends, the great experiences, the closeness of loved ones and that she herself was what gave her life the sparkle she wanted.

This also goes for people who circulate in and out of a woman’s life.  Family members who are destructive, friends who are demoralizing, co-workers who try to drag you down… all the types of people a woman doesn’t need in her life because they are not healthy, caring people.  A woman can always choose to take a break from these people.  Unclutter her life and clean out her emotional closet.  Once she’s been on her own, she will realize who is good for her and who is not.  She can then make the neccessary choices to improve her relationships on all levels.

Just because you might feel lonely, doesn’t mean you are alone.  Everyone has someone in their life who has nothing but their best interests at heart.  You can spend positive, quality time with that person or people.  You can learn to stand strong, be confident and attain the things you want in life on your own.  Then you will realize that the people you allow into your life will only accent and improve it beyond what you have accomplished!

So never be afraid to be alone, because no matter what, you always have yourself.  The confidence you gain from being selfsufficient and self confident will draw all the right kinds of people to you.

Long distance dating.  Does it work?  Doesn’t it work

It depends on the situation and it depends on how much effort you want to put in to it.

Most of my dating has been done out of town.  Why?  Because the type and quality of men that I look for are not in my immediate area.  I like being able to get away for a night or a weekend and what better reason than to go see the guy I’m dating?

Long distance dating allows you to still keep your privacy and independance.  You don’t have to worry about him showing up on your doorstep unexpectedly most times.  He’s not going to calling you 24/7 to keep tabs on you.  You don’t have to worry about bumping into people you know if you don’t want anyone to know about this guy yet.

Once the relationship progresses and you’ve decided you are going to keep him around a bit, the advantage of long distance dating is that abscence makes the heart grow fonder.  You don’t get burnt out from seeing each other too much.  You get excited for the next time you will see each other.  It amounts to Quality Time not Quantity Time.  The distance allows the relationship to progress at a healthy pace.  Instead of seeing each other every day for four weeks and getting burnt out, you see each other a few times a month and get to grow to like and appreciate each other.

Another way long distance dating works: 

If you decide you don’t like the guy, or the relationship just isn’t going to work… he’s got a fair distance to drive to stalk you!

Just kidding.  But it is true that a distance break up is easier than a local one because it is highly unlikely that you will bump into him anywhere locally that you go.

If you can think of any other pros to long distance dating, give me a shout!  I’ll post them here!

Happy October!

Mikki

My niece has always been a queit girl.  Never one to rock the boat, voice her opinion or make her self noticed.  She’s a beautiful girl.  She’s a smart girl.  She’s popular enough at school.  She has a date for Prom.  I noticed she didn’t fit into any one specific clique at her school.  One day I asked her how life was at school.

“It’s good.  No pressure,” she replied. “I go to school, do my work, hang with my friends.”

We discussed the issues of bullying, popularity, trying to fit in, peer pressure and other things that plague teens while at school.  She said she dealt with it by ignoring it.  Such wisdom from a sixteen year old.

“I just ignore it and be myself,” she said.  “I ignore the others and they ignore me.  I get along with everyone.”

She told me one about how a classmate was getting picked on and noone would help them.  She took it upon herself to stand up to the bully herself.  A few years afterwards, she told me that by standing up to that bully for someone else had given her the strength and confidence to stand up for herself in tough situations.  She said she realized how strong she actually was.

I realized that my niece had a strong yet quiet confidence in herself.  It was something that will take her far in life.  She is now graduating college the top of her class.  She has a job with Pixar Studios as soon as she is out of school.  I thought about how she has made her way through the tough years of highschool and realized that it was her inner confidence with herself.

This makes me wonder if the quiet women out there who are lacking the self confidence might benefit from my niece’s wisdom.  Maybe if they were to be in a situation where they were able to be the champion of a person who needed someone to be the strong one they would find that there is a strength inside themselves.  Maybe they would gain the self confidence they lack by standing up for someone else besides themselves.

Sometimes it’s easier to help someone else before we help ourselves.  But in helping others, we can help ourselves.

So if you find you are in a spot in your life where you aren’t feeling so strong or confident… help someone out who needs you to be the hero.  Then look at yourself and see the Super Woman you really are!

Treat yourself well.  I came to that conclusion while making my way through the halls to my “Laws and Procedures” class today.  A friend has just gone through a break up with a loser boyfriend of three years, she is feeling very alone and is very down on herself.  No matter what you say to her, she is sure her life is over, she won’t find another man, etc etc etc.  So here I am walking down the hall and pass by the student spa.  I stopped, called my friend, and told her to meet me after class.

She arrived and met me at the campus coffee shop. 

“It’s time to stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something nice!” I said.

I dragged her to the student spa.  We got pedicures. 

The change in her attitude was nigh on miraculous!  She was smiling, she was cheerful and when one of the hot little male coeds said to her, “Nice Tooties!”, she blushed!

“Now,” I said.  “There’s the bright and confident girl I know.  Where’s she been hiding?”

My friend turned to me and said, “She’s been feeling sorry for herself instead of thinking of all the good things that she still has in her life.”

“And to think it all it took was to have your toe nails painted pink!” I laughed.

This goes to show that we all need to treat ourselves well.  We need to do this for ourselves to learn that we cannot rely on other people to make ourselves feel good, feel confident or to feel complete.  By treating ourselves well we realize that hapiness comes from within and works it way outwards.  By doing something as little as getting our toenails painted pink, stopping to enjoy the sunshine, or to allow ourselves to accept a compliment, we instill a sense of confidence in ourselves.  We start to create a positive path towards an even better future for ourselves.  For only when we are happy within ourselves can we be a positive source for others.

So take the time out today to pick a wildflower for yourself, get your toenails painted pink or red or blue, treat yourself to twenty minutes of just flaking out on the couch and day dreaming of nice things or even something as simple as enjoying the lovely blue sky and sunshine of a nice day.  Realize that you deserve good things in your life.  Realize that treating yourself well is one of the best things you can do for yourself.

Love yourself, and others will love you also!

I am your biggest fan and I’m cheering for you to go and do something nice for yourself!

Email me and let me know what nice things you are going to do for yourself!

Mikki

The Holidays are coming up.  Alot of single women are worried about showing up at the Thanksgiving Dinner, Christmas Dinner or New Year’s Eve Party alone.  Why not find a guy and take him for a test drive to see if he he’s worthy of spending such an important holiday with you?

Make plans to go somwhere that is similar to the event you will be attending.

Going to your parents’ for Turkey Day or Christmas Dinner?  Why not take the test drive at a family BBQ?

Going to an Office Christmas Party?  Going to a New Year’s Party with friends?  Take him for a drive at happy hour with your coworkers or to a birthday Party for a friend?

Anywhere that the attendees are going to be roughly the same ones at the “Big Event” will work.  Got a wedding coming up.  Take the test drive there.  You will see how the prospective man interacts with friends, family and/or coworkers.  You will see how well or how poorly he holds his alcohol.  His social skills will be visible and you will know exactly what level he is able to function at.  And the best one… you will know if he has any fashion sense at all!

So many things will be easily at hand for you during this test drive that it will save you alot of stress and worry when the “Big Event’ does start to roll around.  You won’t have to worry about how he gets along with friends and family.  You don’t have to worry about if he knows which fork to use and if his socks match or not.  The only thing you will have to worry about is whether or not your dress matches his tie.

Once you have gotten the test drive out of the way, you have the option of leasing him for the next big date or finding another man to take for a test drive to take his place.

So put on your driving gloves and go out and have some fun test driving your next worthy guy!

I have just read an article on a study of Postive Affirmations.  They now say that telling yourself things like “I am beautiful”, “I am a great person” and other “positive affirmations” is NOT the way to go.  I read the whole article twice and I agree with them on the NEW way to do Positive Affirmation. 

It’s more realistic.

It’s more believable.

It is much easier to do.

I have tried it, and it works!

Here’s how it works.

Instead of writing down, or look into the mirror and saying, “I’m a great person”, say “I am NOT a bad person!”

Today I wrote down my old affirmations in a new way.  Below are the way I used to do my affirmations and the I do them NOW.

Then: “I am beautiful”                       Now: “I am NOT ugly.”

Then:”I am successful”              Now:”I am NOT a failure.”

Then:”I am going to have a wonderful life”       Now:”I will not settle for a mediocre life”

The theory behind this new way to do affirmation is that you affirm that you are NOT bad things.  With Positive affirmations, people tend to set specific “Positive Affirmations” to such a high level that the pressure of attaining them or believing them is very hard.  If you affirm that you are NOT bad things, or that you Won’t settle for less, etc, it is much easier to set goals and believe in these affirmations.  By setting believable goals and attainable affirmations, your mind believes they are more with in reach.  You set less pressure upon yourself.  You attain your goals more easily and quickly. 

Try it for 21 days and see what happens!!!

Mikki

Last night I spoke to a reader who lamented that it’s a long weekend and she didn’t have anything to do and noone to do it with.  I looked at her with dismay. How can someone say they have nothing to do on a long weekend? So what if your friends have all gone to the cottage.  So what if your friends have headed out to relatives for the weekend.  Seize this chance to make opportunities of your own!

Instead of laying in bed all weekend and moaning of how horrible the weekend will be, grab a news paper.

Check the social section and see what is going on in your town, going on in your region, going on in the world around you! You will find so many things going on during a holiday weekend that you will have a myriad of choices.  By doing this simple thing you will have gone from having nothing going on to having so many things to do you can’t choose!

In my city alone there is:

 Labor Day Bash By The Lake.  A large BBQ for the public, live music, and alot of boats tied up along the pier.

Summerlicious.  The last weekend where restaurants are offering dishes made with all locally grown food.  Always a 3 course meal for a discounted price.

Full Moon History & Haunt walk.  A theatrical walk through the historic parts of my city and the ghost stories that go with the buildings.

Five minutes away:

Weekend Fireworks Over The Falls.  Free fireworks show put on over Niagara Falls along the beautiful parkway.  Bring a blanket and a snack and meet alot of people!

Concerts In The Park.  A series of free concerts in a public park only a short drive away that draws people from every where. Music played is everything from classical to jazz to big band.

Annual Fall Fair and Horse Show.  Our annual agricultural fair and horse show put on with a small midway.  A great way to get in touch with your inner kid and meet some people out enjoying country fun.

Already I have given you several examples of things you can do on your Long Weekend by yourself.  And if you make these opportunities, you will be opening up the doors to meeting someone special!  Make this the BEST Long Weekend Ever!! Get off the couch, put a smile on and head out the door to have some End of Summer Fun!!!!

I’m going sailing!

Happy Labor Day!

Mikki

We all know one of those women who just cannot seem to get a date for the life of her.  And it’s not because she looks like the Hunchback of Notre Dame.  There is always just one thing about her that is enough to make the man run the other way after one date, one meeting or maybe even one minute of conversation.  What is it, you ask?  Think about it and go over the following the check list.  She just might fall into one of these categories.

1/The High Maintenance Woman:  You know the one.  She puts for the appearance and the attitude that screams, “If you want to date me, you had better be RICH!!”  Nothing but the best designer clothes, designer shoes and handbags for her.  She must go to the salon twice a week.  She can only drive a “Benzie” or a “Bentley”.  And of course it’s beneath her to actually have to work for a living.  The only men who want and can afford these types of women are aging millionaires who don’t care how much money it takes to find a woman to sleep with them.  Your average nice guy doesn’t want a woman who is only interested in how much of his funds she can direct to herself.

2/The Desparate to Get Married Woman: She’ll have herself married, 2.5 kids, and the dog on the porch before the date is finished. The poor man doesn’t stand a chance of even escaping the date without the woman alreadying clinging to him and asking whose parents they will be spending the Holidays with! Desparation is a major fear factor for a man.  On a first date he just wants to get to know a woman, he’s not planning the rest of his life! Desparation doesn’t look good on anyone be it a man or a woman.

3/The “I Need A Free Therapist” Woman: By the end of a first meeting or an hour of conversation, she’s told the man how traumatized she was five years old and her gold fish died to how she currently just can’t figure out why she can’t keep a man, a job, her chequebook balanced.  She lists all the woes of her world and how horrible her life is, and if only she had a man all her problems would magically be solved.  That’s alot of responsibility to lay on someone you just met an hour, a day, a week ago!  Men have their own problems to deal with.  They aren’t going to want to know all about a woman’s issues on a first date, or a second date for that matter. 

4/The Jealous Control Freak Woman: This is the female version of the male control freak.  She calls the man ten times a day.  She texts him, emails him, whatever method of contact she can have she will use to find out: “Where are you?” , “Who are you with?”, “Where are you going?”, “Why haven’t you returned my calls?”.  Noone likes to feel that noose closing around their neck.  This is definitely a trust issue that needs to be proffessionally dealt with.  No man is going to put up a woman who doesn’t trust him… of course unless he’s the same way and doesn’t trust her!

5/The Wishy Washy Dishrag Woman: She can’t carry a conversation.  She doesn’t have an opinion of her own.  SHe has no goals in life.  She doesn’t really care about anything.  If all a woman does is sit at home, do nothing but watch television and eat taterchips every night, there’s not going to be alot to keep a man entertained is there?  Life is going to be so boring with this woman, the man will start looking elsewhere for someone else who is going to be more fun.  There is more to life than sitting around your house doing nothing.  No one is going to want want to be sucked down into a blackhole of boredom.

6/The Self Centered Woman: THe world revolves around her.  Conversation revolves around her.  Life revolves around her.  A whole universe can be seen spinning around her! Sadly there is not enough room for a good man in that universe because it’s all filled up with her! If there is no room in a woman’s life for anything but her, how can she expect someone to be able to even approach her without bumping into all the things that should be all about her? Life is a thing to be shared.  But it must be shared equally. Lives must interact, lives must intertwine.  If it’s all take on one side, and only give on the other… eventually the giving side runs out of fuel and dies.  I wouldn’t wish this on any good man.

There you have it ladies.  The six biggest Man Repellants currently on the market.  Yes you can find lesser brands that take longer to work. But eventually you will end up with these six main ones.  So if you know a woman who fits into any one of these categories, make sure to stay far away because it just might keep the men away from you while in her company!